Tuesday, June 28, 2016

How NOT to Publish Your First Book



1. Have a great idea/inspiration.

2. Get so excited you write it on your drive home (using talk to text).

3. Talk about it all the time, but don’t actually do anything with it.

4. Finally get around to asking someone to illustrate it, but give them no clear direction except a manuscript.

5. Give page by page illustration breakdown to the illustrator (after realizing he has no direction)

6. Make sure illustrator lives so far away that everything has to be done by email and phone/text.

7. Send manuscript to editor after the illustrator begins work.

8. As you revise, be sure to include pages that you cannot think of any way to illustrate.

9. Make revisions that require illustration changes.

10. Add pages together to eliminate the un-illustratable pages (also eliminate some pages that your illustrator worked really hard on).

11. Now that your illustrations are finished and you realize that you aren’t great at cover design, ask your illustrator to do that too, but don’t give him any direction. It’s just a cover, how hard can it be?

12. Get frustrated because you picked an illustrator that has a life and doesn’t do things on your timetable.

13. Get frustrated because the cover is not what you envisioned (even though you didn’t share your vision with the illustrator).

14. Take time to talk to your illustrator while they are actually at a computer and can send you pictures.

15. Decide you hate the first page of your book (after it has been approved by your editor).

16. Change it—the whole first page.

17. Change stuff on most of the other pages too.

18. Worry that you probably made some grammatical mistakes when you changed all that stuff.

19. Celebrate because your book looks great in Kindle Kid’s Book Creator—you are finally done!

20. Get mad because it doesn’t look right in Preview mode.

21. Delete the whole file and start from scratch because you can’t figure out how to make the changes like you want.

22. Send it to your Beta readers (even though your editor hasn’t seen it after the changes).

23. Wait impatiently for Beta readers to respond.

24. Create a book launch party on Facebook to help spread the word. Request reviews.

25. Get so busy with your “real” job that you don’t have time to make suggested revisions.

26. While on break at said “real” job, use phone as hotspot to get revisions uploaded.

27. Click Publish.

28. Tell friends and family.

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